Not again.......

(Photo taken by Terena Boone, my talented MIL)

Ugh, well I think the stupid post partum depression is starting to rear its ugly head again. Lately I have been getting really lonely and sad at home. I have decided to take action to make sure it doesn't get back to where it was-I refuse to go back down that road again; it is way too rough. The good news is I have already bonded with Faith so I don't feel like it is affecting my relationship with her. But I have decided what is best for both Faith and myself is to go back to work. Most of you knew I was thinking of becoming a teacher. I even applied for a program that would get me teaching in 6 weeks (Nashville Teaching Fellows). But I have been thinking about it and decided, 1) Now is not the best time to try to juggle a full time teaching job along with a master's program (which you have to complete as part of the teaching fellows program) and 2) I am not ready to leave dietetics. I still feel a calling there, I just need to find my place again. So after making that decision and not spending the day alone, I am feeling better already. So now it is operation find a job that would start sometime after May (because I don't want to give up my vacation this year that we are taking to the Outer Banks, I am looking soooooo forward to it).

On the Faith front, Faith has got a cold, so it has been little sleep in the Porter house these days. In fact, I managed to fall asleep on the floor of Faith's nursery, which let me tell you, is not that comfy. It has been hard to see her sick-she has not been her usual spunky self, but today she seems to be recovering so maybe by the end of the week....It stinks because we had finally, thank you dear Lord!, gotten her to sleep for 11 straight hours at night, and then the next day she is sick. Sigh. Oh well. Other than that, she is doing great. Smiling, playing, eating really well, still loves the jumparoo. So hard to believe that at the beginning of April she will be 6 months old!

I think I say this every post, but I am so grateful for my husband. He is my rock, and if it weren't for him, I would have gotten no sleep these past few days. I also appreciate him sticking by me during my time(s) of indecisivness (or were they times of indesiciveness....) lol, just kidding. Also, I am glad for my mom who has kept me company today and who, despite everything else going on in her life, is able to pick me back up when I start to fall back in that hole. Needless to say, you are never too old to need your mommy!

Side note: This week I am excited/grateful for: the opportunity to work and the chance that a certain one of my besties might be moving back to Nashville after too long away from me....Now if I could just convince the other one to move back.....

Learning to be a Mommy

Faith has taught me more in her 5 months of life than I have learned in over 25 years of life. She has taught me the fine art of patience and has helped me to become less selfish. She is an amazing baby and I thank God for her everyday! She is learning to sit up on her own. She can stay for about 15 seconds, sometimes a little longer, before she topples over (always with a boppy pillow close by as you see in the picture above). (Side Note: Look at those baby blues! I hope she keeps those-I think by about 6 months their eye color is developed so we are getting close.) Foodwise, Faith is doing great. She has not been picky at all. She loves peas, butternut squash, carrots, bananas, and applesauce. Green beans are next. Sleeping patterns vary. We had relapse there for a little bit but the past two nights she has slept all night (well, until 4 am, which is when she wants to get up and play, but Mommy and Daddy are not too keen on that). Faith is getting very picky about who she lets hold her. It is mostly me, Jay, or my mom. She has really warmed up to the ladies in the church nursery, luckily and seems to like them. She also let her Aunt Sarah hold her and Faith even talked to her for a little bit. Luckily the Y has a great staff and one particular lady in there has the whole system down for calming Faith down (swaddle, bouncy seat, pacifier), which is great because I can actually get a workout in!

One way that Faith has changed my life is I am more careful about the decisions I make and base them on how she will be effected. I have been doing some soul searching and praying and am thinking teaching is in my future. I based my decision to become a teacher not only on what I wanted to do, but also on Faith's future. If I become a teacher I will be able to have holidays and summers off with her and spend more time with her, which I really like =). I am still praying that this is OK with God and praying for a way to complete this task. I am so thankful for a supportive husband who helps me complete my dreams, even if they take me all sorts of different routes, lol.

Well, I think that is it. Thanks for reading, sorry it has been so long since the last post, things are busy around here =). God bless!