So today Faith got her first taste of oatmeal. As you can tell by the pictures, at first she was just unsure, and then she thought it was just plain nasty, lol. I have to admit, I was really disappointed in her reaction, I thought she would be in love and beg for more. But while I was having my sob fest on the couch (keep in mind, Faith woke up every 2 hours last night, stupid 4 month sleep regression so Jay and I got little sleep last night and it has been a difficult couple of weeks), my wonderful husband reminded me that is new for her and besides, oatmeal isn't all that good anyways, lol.
I love Jay. He has put up with a lot the past four months. Thank God for him. I think the one thing keeping us sane today is the fact that my mom is going to watch Faith tonight so we get to go to offer group and have our first good night of sleep in over two weeks. Thank God for my mom. She has been sick these past couple of weeks so she has not been able to help. We knew my mom helped a lot and we did not take her for granted or anything, but I think I would have fled the country by now if it weren't for her. Thanks to her we also get to go on our first real date since having Faith and we also get to go to a super bowl party on Sunday =).
So I know this post is supposed to be all about Faith, but I think I have turned into a place to vent, I hope that is ok =).
So here comes the confessions of a new mom:
I hate being a full time stay at home mom. I think it has been best for Faith these past few months but she is beginning to get better and I think she could handle daycare (lol, and they can handle her). I love her with all of my heart, but I think I cannot be the best mommy I can be unless I work. I have worked since I was 15, and I love to work. Then again, the thought of not seeing Faith all day makes me sad. So I think what is best is maybe 3 times a week I work. Then I have four full days with her and 3 days of people interaction and working.
This morning during my sobfest I told Jay I feel guilty for wanting to go back to work. The very wise Jay said "Ashley, I think you have unrealistic views of what a good mom is." And he is right, all along I have had an image of the perfect mom (the perfect mom breastfeeds for a year, she loves staying home full time, doesn't ever need any help from anyone or never needs a break from her kids). Wow, even as I type it, I realize how ridiculous that sounds. One, breastfeeding doesn't work for everyone. If you can do it, great. If not, your child is not going to die from it (I was a formula fed baby, and behold, I am not a mutant). Two, not everyone can be a full time stay at home mom. Sometimes because of financial reasons, sometimes for sanity. As my wise sister-in-law (jay's sister) put it "I am NOT a stay at home mom." How awesome to be able to admit that because there is nothing to be ashamed of. And 3, how ridiculous to think you would never need a break or help. My dear mother told me how the first time she left me to go on vacation, she cried for a while and then had the best stinking time of her life. Sometimes you just need a break.
Wow, what a long vent. So sorry. Hope you guys aren't bored with this. I promise on Friday I will have more news as Faith has a doctor's appointment so we will know things like her height, weight, etc.
Thanks for listening, er reading. Whew, I needed that.
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